I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
