i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
