toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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