I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
