this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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