after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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