...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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