I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I didn't notice because vodka
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we're so committed to being not committed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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