I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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