Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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