So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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