He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
