The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
