party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
