He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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