i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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