i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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