Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
