my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
