The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
