I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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