he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
