For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
