im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
