nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
