Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
