I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
