This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
