the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
