We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
