I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
