my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
