Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, beer. Big fan.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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