Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
