True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
