I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i need some magic done to my vagina
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
