can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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