And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
