I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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