guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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