oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
