if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
God, I missed his penis.
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