i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
