The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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