Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
