I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
