Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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