She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
