All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
