I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
