I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize