is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
