so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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