and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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