Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
