Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(660): View more from Missouri

I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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(614): View more from Ohio

There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off

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(360): View more from Washington

There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.

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(949): View more from California

Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.

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(561): View more from Florida

6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time

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(786): View more from Florida

You are a genius and a whore.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.

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