What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
