Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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