my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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