If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just invented taco cereal.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
