i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
