he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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