i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
