the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
